


pure water

by rankarana



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, lonely people holding onto each other to feel a bit more human content, maybe borderline M. might change rating later.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 17:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rankarana/pseuds/rankarana
Summary: After Lisa suggests that Roselia takes a weekend trip to a hot spring to help clear their minds, Yukina and Sayo reflect on themselves, their relationship, and what lies below the surface.





	pure water

Sayo has discovered that, as a rule, Yukina does not let many people touch her.

It’s not that it makes her uncomfortable (although it does, a little), and it’s not that she feels they’re not worthy (although she probably does, here and there), but simply how she is; it is a part of herself that she has little interest in changing.

But, once in a while, someone is allowed through that self-imposed guard. First, there was Lisa – and there have been others, here and there, that she’s wanted to grow close to, but closing that gap, that impenetrable void known as _emotion,_ has never been awfully easy for her.

And for better or worse, Sayo is much the same way. Guarded, wanting someone to reach out to her, and cutting off almost anyone who even tries. At least years of sororal suffering has made her a little more comfortable with the actual physical contact aspect than Yukina.

(In her sharper moments, Sayo wonders if she might be placing herself in exile more than she needs to. Yukina has her reasons and her justifiable pride, and _has_ a reason to exist; and all Sayo has is that constant paranoia and guilt hanging over her, and that voice whispering in her ear that _you’ll never be good enough._

…it is _painful,_ having a tiny little Hina in her ear.)

So, for the two of them to be sitting here, in the warmth of the onsen, Yukina sitting in between her legs _,_ Sayo feels like she must have slipped into some entirely separate reality to her usual one. They're only here because Lisa suggested the band take a trip to release some of that stress and 'negative vibes' they had built up, and then promised Yukina and Sayo could share a room, and. Hm. She’s not totally convinced it isn’t a dream, frankly; Yukina might _weigh_ like the real thing (not that that’s much of anything), and feel like her, but Sayo’s had dreams just as vivid.

Some of which may have involved Yukina, so she feels like she has some authority, here.

The stars illuminate the otherwise pitch-black sky, and it’s so, so quiet. Presumably because they’re currently in the middle of the mountains, but even beyond that; Sayo can’t even make out the water trickling into the bath too clearly. Yukina’s small breaths - occasionally a little heavier when Sayo moves and fidgets - are all Sayo can really hear. Well, that and her own heart, pounding away in her chest, but Yukina's letting her touch her, keeps seeming more and more relaxed.

\--frankly, Sayo's amazed Yukina isn't worried about someone walking in on them, but the more she thinks about it, that's always been more her concern than Yukina's? Yukina is the type to just sort of exist in a whole different plane, while Lisa helps anchor her to the earth, and now Sayo is... She's doing the opposite, isn't she. Everything really is her fault; and so she starts to pull her hands away, and Yukina _immediately_ reaches for her wrist.

"Please don't stop."

"Mh--mm." And Sayo's hands go back to Yukina's shoulders, squeezing down on them, a little more, (Yukina's so _pale_ , the hot water's really making her skin flushed) and brushing her hair up so she can run her fingers along the nape of Yukina's neck. For some reason, Yukina sighs out at that.

"You can touch me wherever you'd like."

"Well, I… I shouldn't."

"You shouldn't, but we both want you to."

…it’s as if Yukina actually can see right through her.

"Maybe we should go back to the room."

\--and Yukina turns around to look at her, and... it seems like a trick of the steam for a second, but she almost looks like she's smirking? Not that Yukina really smirks, not in the same way the boors of Afterglow do. It’s more like a subtle prod at her, that Sayo has to at least, say, grope her a little in the hot spring. Almost like Yukina’s testing her… devotion.

"...a little, then. Maybe?"

"I already said you could do whatever you wished.

"Well, you did, but--"

"You're patronising me, Sayo. Funny, considering you're normally so... obedient?" There's no proper response to that except to bury her face into the back of Yukina's neck, gently run her hands down Yukina's sides, work herself up into doing something. _Anything._ She has the girl she… she feels _strong, sincere_ feelings for in her lap, surrendering herself to her will, and all she can do is sit there and twitch.

( _Go for it!_ says the Hina-shaped brain worm inside her mind, and it takes a lot of strength to _not_ smash her head against the rocks behind them.)

Sayo's hands are - a little clumsy, at this point. Not that she was the picture of elegant massaging to begin with, but as she takes a deep breath, feels like the hot water is seeping into her skin, she begins to wonder if her hands are shaking. They aren't, she thinks, but that's how she feels. She creeps her hands up Yukina's sides, slowly, slipping around her soaked body. Yukina's skin is so _beautiful_ – her warm hands leave small red trails in their wake. Her body seems so fragile that Sayo wonders if even being in water this warm is a good idea.  Slowly, mustering every inch of her courage, she reaches up, and--

"Then... excuse me," she murmurs into Yukina's neck, and squeezes down on her small breasts, sighing out at the sensation. They're small, but _soft_ , slightly upturned, statuesque, she wants to say except she has no idea _what_ statue they’d possibly look like...

She's thinking way too much about Yukina's body.

She literally can't remember that anything in the world exists _besides_ Yukina's body.

Yukina, for her part, reacts just how Sayo would expect. She leans forward a little, separating her nape from Sayo's face for a few moments, before shifting back silently, as if she _knows_ how Sayo'll react if they're apart for just a second, just a moment…

But before she closes that distance again, she looks down in into the spring itself. The water is so crisp and so sharp, and she searches it for Yukina, to see a reflection of her face, to peer inside her—

* * *

 

In a not-so-rare moment of introspection, Yukina wonders if she's the one treating Sayo as if she were a child, here.

"Mm." Her voice is quiet, even as she is finally _touched_ by Sayo, in a way not unfamiliar to either of them, and yet… it has never been like _this_ before.

She keeps her herself silent not because she doesn't want to show Sayo her appreciation, but because it _is_ how she shows it. Her grand displays of emotion are for the stage, and for music, and for occasionally worrying about Lisa - but with Sayo, she wants to feel that _comfort_ , and share it with the girl who seems even more permanently crushed by the weight of the world than her.

...and, well, she keeps it quiet because she doesn't want to get caught; because even she knows that getting Sayo to touch her in a hot spring is a foolish idea. Maybe, later, when they're back in their room, she'll give Sayo more of that voice she seems to worship.

"A little harder, Sayo. I won't break under you." Yukina hasn’t before, has she? No matter how clumsy Sayo’s hands can be (a far cry from her comparative perfection on stage), and how ragged her breath gets and panicked she looks at the slightest sign that the way she _fucks_ Yukina is anything less than ideal, Yukina is _far_ too strong to be hurt like that.

_My apologies, Sayo, but even you aren’t able to do that to me._

Is Sayo even worried about that? Yukina doesn’t know; she makes assumptions, and unlike with the vast majority of other people, with Sayo they sometime manage to almost hit the mark. All the girl needs is some encouragement, a challenge to push her on, and then--

Slowly, Sayo presses her fingers down, a little more sharply.

“Like that.”

It’s all the approval Sayo seems to need, and with her face buried in the nape of Yukina's neck, she kisses at her, their long, wet hair pooling around them both as they move together, as their bodies press together. It's soothing enough that Yukina allows herself a little yearning _sigh,_ as she slides back into Sayo's body. Sayo is... tall, and at times like this, that height is pleasantly reassuring.

"You make for a good seat, Sayo," she says, wondering afterwards if that's quite the right thing to say here - but it's true. It's more than true. She's terrible to sit in the actual lap of, mind, because she either turns into a squirming mess or she just throws Yukina off in a reaction that almost feels like it's involuntary, but like this - between her legs, relaxing in the warmth, resting - yes - against her chest...

"...you're so, so beautiful," Sayo tells her, without provocation or purpose.

"Mm. You're beautiful too, you know." Because sometimes, Yukina wonders if Sayo does. She’s told Yukina as much before, in the most unclear of terms; that she felt like an awkward creature, not quite shaped or made right. _‘On the outside or within,’_ Yukina had wanted to ask her, but seeing how close Sayo seemed to tears at that point already, she’d decided not to make a point of it.

And it wouldn’t matter, either way, would it? No matter what, she’d be wrong.

Yukina hears Sayo’s breath catch in her throat at the returned compliment, and rather than words, she feels Sayo press her face harder to her neck, nuzzling instead of kissing, sighing out against her.

“…thank you.” When the words come, they’re almost like a whisper, like Sayo _wished_ they’d be lost against Yukina’s skin; she’s not so lucky. "-- I feel lightheaded," Sayo continues, "and not because of the bath."

"I don't blame you." Does Yukina feel lightheaded? Who knows - sadly, Yukina's not planning on telling Sayo how she feels _right_ this moment, but the mood should be clear. She's enough in her own world, a world shared with Sayo, that instead of making the sensible suggestion that they should leave the bath and cool down – in a sense - she places a hand onto Sayo's thigh, gripping onto it.

_Tightly._

Harder than she’d want Sayo to handle her chest, frankly, but Sayo happens to respond well to a little force.

And Sayo definitely responds, if the audible _gulp_ is any indication. She nods, slowly at first, and then more eagerly, as if she’s trying to make sure Yukina actually notices the gesture. She hugs her in, closer, one arm dropping down below the water, wrapping around Yukina's waist, pulling her more properly up in her lap.

"Until someone comes," she tells Sayo, voice dropping a little lower, "don't let go of me." Her nails are too fine-trimmed to truly _dig_ into Sayo (she has to lead her bandmates by example), but they scrape against her slightly less pale, but equally soft, skin in a way as to prove her point. "Not until the end."

"...not until someone comes." Sayo agrees - no, she _obeys_ , nodding against her, kissing at Yukina's neck again - a firm, loving kiss as her hand begins to move, kneading Yukina's small breast, thumb against her nipple again.

To fuck like this-- that'd be a little too far for Yukina, if she can't assure their privacy -- but she can insist that they make this moment, the two of them surrounded by steam and looking up at the starry sky, special.

...a slightly Lisa brand of special, she thinks. Hah. She's _sure_ her dearest friend would be more than proud of her right now.

Lisa is too kind to them, in a way; making that argument, true or not, that five people in a room would have been chaos, so Yukina and Sayo should have their own, and she'll babysit Ako and Rinko, _'taking one for the team'_ (to quote).

Maybe part of this is that Lisa knows neither her or Sayo would even suggest a trip themselves? She's too focused, too desiring that distant dream to always understand what her mind needs, and Sayo... well, that’s more complex. Yukina wonders if Sayo dreams of running away, sometimes. Running far away from home, and the suffocating world, and her beloved but suffocating sister, hand in hand with Yukina as they go to the kind of world they can otherwise only speak of through music. Somewhere unreal, somewhere distant from the society that they’ve allowed to shape them... and this is so fantastical, and so nonsensical, and so unlikely to _truly_ happen that they need Lisa to even convince them to take a holiday together.

\--but she's thinking too much of Lisa, something she does often. Normally, it's her caring too much, but now, it's almost an act of betrayal against Sayo, because _Sayo_ is what matters to her now (and she can admit that with surprisingly little guilt, because of... some kind of difficult emotion she normally hides behind twelve layers of symbolism and allegory in her songs). Sayo, her hands, the way she's touching Yukina and making her nearly, almost, _gasp._

Somehow, she calms down when an attempt at a kiss follows. Seeing how far Sayo's  trying to make their bodies fit together, it's almost cute, but at the same time… Sayo is taking just the tiniest bit of charge. Their teeth hit, a lot, but it's not painful. It's a necessary casualty, because (and Yukina's not sure if Sayo's realised this, and she _certainly_ doesn't want to bruise Sayo's ego any more than it already has been by telling her) she has the feeling that neither of them are very good at kissing at the best of times, and certainly not like _this._ But even when it's rough and sudden, it's gentle, so their teeth just click for a moment before their lips -- and occasionally, of a rare moment that's somewhere between an accident and them _pretending_ it's one, their tongues - take their place, that softness right there again.

\--footsteps, Yukina hears, behind the less-than-beautiful sound of their mouths crushing together, and for a moment she pauses; and it’s just enough time for Sayo's clumsy, genuine attempts to feel her body to turn something more... adult. More mature. More, to use a word she wouldn't normally-- _sexy._ Her neck hurts, just a little. This position doesn't work at all, and yet it takes so much strength to pull away…

Though she doesn’t leave Sayo’s lap, instead swinging herself to the side so her spine isn’t in _as_ much danger of sudden strain, and the grip on Sayo's leg changes to a stroke. The footsteps might get a little louder, closer - but no stopping until the end, she made them both promise, and she's far too lost in the moment to even _consider_ going back on her word.

The footsteps, they’re still there, and Yukina already has a plan for when they're interrupted, because it'll happen any second now. She'll twist around, fling herself into the water, pretend to be half-drowning, and whatever innocent OL comes in, likely on her weekend break from work, will be treated to Sayo, probably hyperventilating herself, dragging her out of the water.

This isn't the wisest of plans, but what does that matter, when the girl who makes up half your world is kissing you so intensely, so needily, that you never could have expected it? But looking at Sayo, Yukina wonders if she’s even noticed the world around them. Is Sayo pretending, too, to keep this fantasy lasting as long as she can, because if neither of them _acknowledge_ it will end then it won't?

_…what a wonderful thought._

And Yukina turns towards the water for a second, searching for Sayo’s eyes, before crashing like a wave back into her.

* * *

"-- Soft," Sayo says, left in her thoughts for just a moment, and staring into the depths of the spring as she does. It’s like it surprises her every time as much as the first time she kissed Yukina. Another woman's lips are so, so soft.

So many _things_ are stuck in her mind right now: Yukina’s body, her commands, that time Yukina called her _beautiful_. She’s so weak to Yukina’s words that her mental Hina is laughing, and her mental Sayo is calling her pathetic, but—that’s just how it is. She _is_ pathetic. There are those quiet nights where she feels lonely and hugs her phone close to her chest; and she feels utterly ridiculous about it in hindsight, because the texts she uses as a source of strength are simple, terse things - "I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow," "Thank you, Sayo," - that sort of thing. But they're Yukina, expressing her sincere gratitude that Sayo's around her, and so Sayo loves them.

To Sayo, anything Yukina says is the truth; no matter how hard it is to believe. She's self-conscious, an incomplete human forever standing next to her perfected self, but if Yukina says something, it's the truth, and that means she’s _beautiful_ all of a sudden, and that's a lot to deal with.

Yukina reaches up, slender fingers grasping a little messily at Sayo's chin, and twisting both their bodies so they're together in an kiss, neater than before but still ugly and contorted in its own way; and Sayo feels a hand grabbing hold of her chin to make sure this won’t end before their time is up. In response, she kisses down, hungrier, attempting the herculean task of making sure their teeth _don't_ bang or scrape together this time. Gravity and the odd angle feel like they're conspiring together against her success in that field, no matter how her scrawny arms try to wrap around Yukina.

(Holding her like this, Yukina seems so small, all of a sudden. Sayo’s mind has always made her taller.)

...she squeezes down on Yukina's breast, nearly forgotten, fingers swirling around it as the arm around her waist trails lower. Breathing in through her nose like she's about to reach out and touch something precious, her hand squeezes down on Yukina's rear, groping at it as much as one can. Yukina's slender and elegant, after all. If there’s anything else in the world except her, Sayo doesn’t care. Right now, all she can focus on is Yukina's rough breathing, the sensation of their lips together. It might not be a beautiful sound, but it's a beautiful _feeling_ , even if Sayo's certain she's going to have a crick in her neck by this time tomorrow. She deepens the kiss, even, tongue slipping clumsily into Yukina's mouth, tilting her head to make sure the angle's better. At this point, she feels exactly like the child that she is, clumsily pressing her lips to her girlfriend's - but it feels _good_ , and that's the part that matters. Her hands fumble aimlessly. She isn't the kind of person that can walk and talk at the same time, and the most complicated thing she can think of right now is that she wants to keep her hands on Yukina's body.

But she’s slipping, they’re both slipping, Sayo realises she’s _literally_ losing her grip, and Yukina’s hand on her chin is the only thing keeping them really locked together; and as light as Yukina is, as she starts to lean backwards, she pulls the other girl with her.  Sayo stumbles and gasps, arms going from Yukina's rear and breasts to her waist, holding her very tight, not wanting them to fall so awkwardly that either of them bangs their head on the edge of the bath, or the rocks, or anything like that - but... Sayo doesn't break the kiss. She holds onto _that_ for all she’s worth.

There’s an underlying strength to how Yukina’s falling, to the point that for a second Sayo gets the insane idea that maybe Yukina’s doing this on purpose. She's taking Sayo with her, the two of them sinking into the warm -- too warm to submerge yourself in, surely – water. Even as they both barely keep their heads above water, Sayo readjusting her grip to try and pull Yukina up out of it (it's much easier to keep surfaced, with her height) - she keeps leaning in, stealing brief pecks, nuzzling in close.

She can actually hear the footsteps, now. Maybe she always could, and was just willing herself not to. What she can't make out is how many of them, if there's voices to go with them. If it's the rest of Roselia—no, whoever it is, does it matter? Sayo just wants to kiss Yukina, so she does.

"Not until the end, right?" she murmurs against Yukina’s lips, their bodies still half-sideways, half-submerged; and what she hears back is a sound, meaningless in every way aside from being affirmation.

They're not maintaining the same level of contact, lips breaking for gasps and Yukina’s hold on Sayo's chin wavering, but she keeps mumbling Sayo's name; that, and little compliments, assurances that Sayo is beautiful, and all she needs, and she never wishes this to end—

Sayo hates that she can hear the footsteps above all of that... and so, as their little world is about to come to an end, she lets Yukina all of a sudden grab _tight_ onto her, pulling them both under the water with their lips sealed.

It's hot, like she thought, but not as hot as Yukina’s lips.

Even as she's dragged underwater - and Sayo has never liked the water, never been great at swimming - she keeps kissing at Yukina, parched for affection, lips against Yukina's, eyes screwing shut to keep from getting hot water in them, but barely worried about trivial matters like 'breathing.' All she wants is to kiss Yukina, more and more, until her world's nothing but Yukina, and Yukina's is nothing but her.

This is it, isn’t it? This is everything she’s wanted; getting to become something other than herself, and yet be loved just for who she is. This truly is perfect.

* * *

She can’t see Sayo; she can’t even hear her.

She can only feel the pure heat, and her, and her, her— _love._

Yukina does not care if she is perfect right now, because Sayo is giving her all the perfection she could ever need.

* * *

The air in her lungs is slowly but surely disappearing, and the woman approaching might have already found them, but none of that occurs to Sayo in the moment. She even opens her mouth for a moment, before water floods it and she realises that she doesn’t have any idea what she’s doing. Yukina might have had to literally shove her off, if Sayo didn't finally decide she valued Yukina's life over kissing her more.

(Sayo’s own life barely entered the equation.)

She pulls herself up out of the water, a red-faced, odd-looking Yukina with her, and - yes, there's some OL there, peering curiously at them, how red and messy their faces look. Sayo mumbles something about Yukina staying too long in the bath. Just look at her. She does look a little fragile, after all.

And to be fair, it probably isn't wrong. Sayo feels like they've been here for hours. She probably doesn’t look all that well herself, all panting  and red as she scrambles out of the bath, Yukina holding onto her hand like she really _does_ need that support on her end, the two of them grabbing their towels off the floor with the kind of frantic, awkward unease that just doesn’t feel like them.

They’re Roselia, after all. Not a couple of stupid girls in love, unable to hide that for a moment longer when they’re given a chance to throw off everything that holds them back and embrace everything they _do_ want.

...how embarrassing that would be.

**Author's Note:**

> two weeks prior:
> 
>   _“Let’s do, like, a band hot springs trip.”_
> 
> _“Why?” asks Sayo._
> 
> _“You certainly like your bonding exercises, don’t you,” responds Yukina._
> 
> _Neither of them look up from the sheets of music in front of them, although Lisa swears, maybe, that they both turn to one another for a moment, in a mutual conspiratorial glance of anti-onsen-ness._
> 
> _“Because they’re fun.”_
> 
> _“They’re not necessary.” Yukina’s reaction is disappointing, but expected._
> 
> _“Maybe it’ll be like the beach, and they’ll have fries and, uh, onsen egg burgers. And stuff.”_
> 
>   _“They won’t, Lisa. That’s ridiculous. What, do Lotteria operate hot springs now? Don’t make me laugh.” Okay, well, that sure touched a nerve with Sayo._
> 
> _But see, Lisa has a plan, here, because if she cares about anything, even more than the music—_
> 
> _It’s her friends._
> 
> _“And you two can have your own room,” Lisa sneaks in at the end, there, and suddenly she feels the entire mood of the practice session change._
> 
>  
> 
> anyway: i hope y'all enjoyed! i know i normally write The Less Major Pairings and/or mildly depressing vibes but yukisayo is soooOOooOOoo good in its melodramatic emo morons in love way. thank you so much to [Everdistant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everdistant/pseuds/Everdistant) for providing so much inspiration and groundwork for this fic! if you enjoyed this go check out her stuff, and if you didn't she's a better writer than me anyway so also go check it!  
> and yes, lisa would like a DJ Mustard-type beat on the next roselia song.


End file.
